Hey Don't do it, please
by EmberXMystery
Summary: Aizawa has never had a good life. He thought his life was over. Until some blonde haired kid called out to him and... somehow made him change his mind. Now they've found solace from a harsh world in each other. And a reason to keep living.
1. Cause

Notes: And I make my debut into the EraserMic fandom with my own little story about these two learning to grow together.

This was written based off of my own emotions and listening to the song "My R" by Hikaru Station. It's a peppy song about dark topics.

-x- perspective change

"Don't forget.

Always, somewhere,

Someone is fighting for you.

As long as you remember [them,]

You are not alone."

-Madoka Magika

* * *

Shouta Aizawa was always written off as lazy.

Everyone told him that he was good for nothing and tired and could never amount to anything more than someone with a useless, unwanted quirk.

Oh, how many times he had been picked on when he was younger for "causing the other kids to fail their tests due to the fact that he negated their quirks."

So he had learned to control his powers better.

But that hadn't helped anything.

Every day he would come home with a new cut or a new bruise. But his parents never asked why.

They had never wanted to know. Had never cared enough.

And then they died in an accident where a hero hadn't been there in time to save them.

Aizawa knew in his gut that that should make him start hating heroes. Maybe he could be a villain. Maybe he could wipe out all heroes.

But he had never amounted to anything he wanted to be so what was the point of trying?

The bullying never stopped, though.

His world turned grey at the age of eight.

Eventually the tears stopped at the age of nine.

By the time he was ten, the only color he could really see was the deep crimson of his own blood as he made it flower and bloom forth from his arms as a memory to his family and as a vengeance for himself for not being stronger to fight back.

He could never fight back.

The most amusing part was how no one noticed.

At least, Aizawa found it amusing.

He had turned into a living void. A creature of nothingness and pain. And oxymoron of living dead.

He had nothing left to live for.

No reason.

No purpose.

.

.

He made it to the age of Eleven.

.

-x-

-Four Years Later-

Hizashi Yamada was flashy. He was loud. He liked music and dancing and making a show of himself. He loved listening to the radio and aspired to be his own host one day.

That's what anyone who took one glance at him would tell you.

If you looked at him, you would assume he had a dozen friends.

He had made it into the hero course _no problem_ at UA and he was _ecstatic!_

He hadn't initially wanted to be a hero but after he had tried to save someone… No… after he had _failed_ to save someone, he had vowed never to have that happen again and he had refined his skills so that he was able to save anyone on a whim.

_Anyone_.

_Just… _

_Just not himself. _

Hizashi made it through the first several months of school no problem. He fought his way through the sports festival and the training, working harder and harder to become a good hero. He didn't have the physical strength many of the other students had but he felt as though his quirk was meant more for long distance anyway and in a fight, he could make tech that would help him stay far away.

Instead of improving one ability, he focused on finding new abilities.

He learned how to throw his voice to disorient enemies.

He learned how to whistle at frequencies no human could hear.

He worked on splitting someone's eardrum.

He worked on talking so quietly that no one would ever hear him.

He was disappointed he hadn't won the sports festival but he had suspected as much. Amazingly, most of his class hadn't made it all that far, especially after one particular kid with dark hair had managed to make it to the top without incident or real fight.

Hizashi was amazed that that kid could make it so high.

He supposed that someone would be joining their class.

-x-

-One week later-

That day, Aizawa had woken up feeling strange.

He had made it.

He had done what that one stupid kid had asked him to do.

_If you manage to save even one person, then your life is worth living!_

He was trying. He was trying to be a hero and save lives. He had given it his all every waking moment and effort was spent towards succeeding and making it into the UA's hero course. And now, he had finally arrived.

Now was normally the time when Aizawa would sit and question _What next?_ But thanks to the hero course, he didn't have to worry about that. He knew that he would continue on the path to become a hero, even if it killed him.

He got up sluggishly and walked into class on his first day in class 1-A. He went up politely to the teacher and greeted her. She told him calmly that since he was arriving later in the year, he would be in the back next to Hizashi Yamada.

Aizawa nodded and turned to the back to see…

To see _him._

-x-

Hizashi hadn't been paying attention— listening to music as he tended to do before school. It was a nice way to calm his nerves with some smooth jazz that he could focus on.

No one else in the back row ever wanted to talk to him, claiming that he was too loud and obnoxious, so he certainly hadn't expected anyone to walk up to him and great him with their name.

Hizashi looked up to see the new kid with the tangly black hair who had won the Sports festival.

But… more than that, he looked up to see _him_.

His reason for being a hero.

His biggest failure— or so he thought— staring him in the eye.

Hizashi fumbled to knock his headphones off of his head and stood up to hastily, the chair behind him crashing over and clattering to the ground.

"You're here…!" Hizashi said frantically, amazed that he was seeing this kid again.

"Um… yeah…" the kid told him, scratching at the back of his head nervously. "I'm Shouto Aizawa…."

"Hizashi Yamada. Um… you can call me Hizashi. I'm blown away that I get to talk to you again!" Hizashi looked away from Aizawa— _That was his name!-_ and looked down at his desk. "You… you listened."

Aizawa nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly and slowly moved to the seat next to Hizashi.

Hizashi had so much he wanted to say. So much that he _couldn't _say. There weren't enough words in the world for him to articulate what this moment meant to him.

Dazed, he took his seat but couldn't stop staring at Aizawa.

After a minute of silence which felt like an eternity of busy questions is Hizashi's mind, their— _their!- _teacher started class by announcing that a new student was joining them but even then, Hizashi couldn't make his mind quiet down. It felt like a roller coaster that would never end with a trillion questions he could never ask.

But, just as their teacher turned to the blackboard to begin writing out the beginning of their lesson, Aizawa turned to him, looking more at the headphones in Hizashi's lap than at his eyes and muttered a quiet, "Thank you, Hizashi… I… I appreciate… everything."


	2. Please

"Courage does not always Roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

'I will try again tomorrow.'"

-Mary Anne Radmacher

-x- Perspective change

.

* * *

-x-

-Later that night-

_Hizashi Yamada_.

That was his name.

When Aizawa was by himself, in his bed at the dorms and not paying attention to anyone or anything else, he finally let himself think. He opened the floodgates in his mind and let all of the emotions and thoughts that were crashing through his head finally be released.

He fell on the bed feeling too much to put into words. The memory flooding through him and taking over him mind like a dream.

Pain, gratitude, sorrow, anger, fear, indebted, anguished, surreal, amazed, whole.

Aizawa couldn't quite explain it, but he was feeling whole again.

Like the last four years of his life he had just been ghosting through life as a shell of his former person. A shell that was finally driven to do something with himself.

A shell that had found what had made him.

Who had made him.

Who had destroyed him.

He had found the name of the little blond boy who had killed his eleven year old self.

-Four Years Prior-

Shouta Aizawa was eleven when he decided enough was enough.

What was the point of living if you had no more purpose?

The gashes on his arms that reminded him he was still alive, no longer hurt.

He felt null and void.

He knew he had a black eye from the bully who had punched him in class that day yet he couldn't feel anything.

He felt empty.

He was ready for the emptiness to end.

He didn't know whether it was a moment of impulsiveness or a moment of a bottle that could take no more pain and suffering finally exploding, never to be contained again, but he was standing on the edge of a bridge, the tallest, most secluded, bridge in town, and staring at the water below.

And he looked up and thought to himself: _this is the moment when I look around and see the wind rustling in the trees and hear the chirping of the birds and the life that is all around me and decide that I can't do it. And then I step down to go about my normal life. _

But when Aizawa did look around, he felt the wind as a hand, pushing on his back and telling him, _yessss jump into my clutches! I implore you to join me. _The birds were only mocking him with their shrill chirps. _Ha! You're stooping to _that _to escape life? Pathetic. _The bubbling water was drawing him closer like a menacing stranger with a knife that Aizawa just couldn't make himself move away from. _Come on now…. I won't bite. _

_No one will miss me. _Aizawa thought bitterly, too broken from being hurt time and time again to think of anything other than negatives.

_Maybe I can do something right in my life. _

_Maybe I can see my parents and ask why I was born. _

_Maybe I can just… end and stop feeling so empty inside that I don't know how to feel. _

The trees blurred into the branches and the sky as the water turned into a large churning mass of bubbles and froth.

For a second, Aizawa thought he was crying but… instead he was just losing touch with reality he decided, even as warmth slipped down his cheeks.

He took one tepid step towards the edge. And then another. He felt nothing.

He felt empty.

And then, like an arrow through his heart, he heard a small voice whisper, "Hey… don't do… it, please."

-x-

Eleven-year-old Hizashi Yamada had been told all of his life what a hero was and what a hero wasn't. Not just by his school and his parents. But by _life_. The only way to get out of your problems was to use a big explosion or a big flashy quirk and your muscles.

Hizashi's wasn't big hero material. It didn't matter that his quirk was kinda flashy. He couldn't _really_ use it to save anyone.

He liked reading and learning more than wrestling.

He liked listening to music more than socializing.

But he refused to ever be someone who looked down on others.

He smiled and laughed and treated them in his own way. He treated them with a smile and a greeting because he knew when that sometimes that was all a person was looking for to move on with their life.

Maybe that person just needed a smile.

But everyone teased him for it. They hated that he was smart and he got beat up a lot for that reason.

They hated that he was loud without meaning to be. They hated how he seemed privileged to them.

_What was privileged about losing your dad at the age of two? _

What was privileged about having your mom sit quietly, deaf from your own quirk, and stare at you with a weak smile of encouragement as you sat there knowing that _you_ were the one who had hurt her?

His mind never stopped racing. No matter what, he felt as though his mind was always thinking thoughts. Some positive. Most negative.

If his thoughts got too down, he liked to take walks out in the sounds of nature. He liked to listen to the music of trees and the chirps of the birds and just… get away for a little while.

But there was one day he was walking and nearing one of his favorite bridges where he loved to look over the edge at the churning water below and wonder what it would be like to swim, when he noticed another person there.

The person was about his age with shoulder-length tangly black hair. His arms were clearly bleeding and he was leaning towards the edge of the Bridge, already beyond the safety railing.

It didn't matter that Hizashi was young. He knew what that boy was about to do.

Without thinking about his words, Hizashi reached out towards the small boy and said quickly, his whispered voice booming slightly with his quirk, "Hey… don't do it, please?!"

Immediately the boy turned to look at him, a tired and defeated look in his eyes. It almost seemed as though they couldn't focus on the world before him.

"Why?" the boy spit out bitterly after a pause of silence, the wind buffering both of their hair and stealing the words shared between them like they were some precious rarity. A moment frozen in time, left in the balance to decide a grand fate.

Hizashi was speechless. What did he have to say that this boy should live? Why could he dictate whether this boy lived or died?

But Hizashi couldn't just stand idle. He had to _try_.

What words could he say to change his mind?

Maybe his family would miss him?

"...Don't… don't you have a family?" Hizashi asked timidly.

The boy didn't answer, only turned and looked back to the water. He simultaneously seemed so much older and so much younger than Hizashi.

"The world left me alone."

Hizashi froze, he didn't know what to say. He didn't know! He was panicking. There was no way he, small broken him, could have the right words. "Don't you have anyone you live for?" Hizashi whispered, his words carrying over the wind.

The boy turned his head back to Hizashi and spat, "What do YOU think? Would I be _here_ if I did?"

Hizashi was scared.

He wasn't cut out for this.

He couldn't do anything.

"I'm useless," the boy said. "I stop everyone from greatness and just mess everything up. I'm a mistake to this world and it would sigh with relief if I just disappeared."

But Hizashi was the only one there. He was the only one who _could _help.

"That isn't true!" Hizashi screamed, looking down at his feet. He could tell that his words had been louder than he had intended based on the shocked look on the boy's face and the way his words seemed to reverberate through the forested road.

But the boy was frozen in place, too stunned to move and do anything.

"You… you can help. You can save someone else. If you manage to save even one person, then your life is worth living," Hizashi bit his tongue, his words feeling wrong and harsh. "Even if the only life you save is your own, then you'll have succeeded in one thing in your life!"

The boy paused, his head hanging as he glared at the ground.

"Imagine saving someone! Imagine being a hero!"

"Heroes got my parents _killed_!" the boy shouted.

Hizashi shrank back in terror, taking steps away.

There was a child in front of him who needed help. Who needed saving. This was someone who needed support and love and didn't have it and right now, right at this very moment, Hizashi could offer it to him.

Hizashi ran forward, his impulsiveness getting the better of him and he grabbed the boy's bleeding arm, making him flinch in pain, and stared directly into his eyes.

"Then become a better hero," Hizashi told him. "Save anyone. Save everyone. Do it fro yourself and do it for others. And if no one else, then do it for _me_ and _live!_"

The boy stared into Hizashi's eyes and glared at him determinedly.

Suddenly with a move of force, the boy flicked his arm, knocking off Hizashi's hold on it and resulting in him crashing to the ground.

"Just leave me…" the boy said quietly but sternly.

Hizashi didn't move, frozen in place, unsure of what to say or what to do.

"I said: LEAVE!" the boy shouted, turning his head.

And Hizashi's legs obeyed.

He knew that he shouldn't leave that boy there. He knew he _couldn't_. But his legs were moving faster than his mind and before he had a chance to think about it, he was down the road with his house in sight.

The worst part was knowing what that boy felt. Knowing the despair and the emptiness that must've been inside of him.

And knowing that he was too far away.

He tripped, his legs turning to jelly as he crashed roughly to the ground. He pulled himself to his hands and knees and sobbed as he stared at the blurring asphalt beneath him. He didn't care that his hands stung and his knees ached.

His heart hurt more.

Hizashi turned back to the direction of the bridge and stared out, forcing himself to look. His own cowardice had just gotten that young boy killed. It was his fault.

His fault.

Hizashi let the tears fall and slip down his cheeks and hit the ground below… like that boy must have.

Hizashi, in that moment, sat back on his legs and looked up to the sky, placing a fist over his heart and making a vow to himself.

He vowed to never leave someone alone and abandoned again. He vowed to never let another life slip through his fingers like that again. He vowed that he would never let his own pain cloud his judgement and instead, he would save everyone.

His quirk was powerful enough for it. He could manage. He would _make _himself manage.

And even if his words couldn't help that young boy, maybe he could use his Voice to help countless others.

No, he _vowed_ to use it to help countless others.

-x-

-Present day-

Still to this day, Aizawa doesn't know why he didn't jump.

Maybe it _was_ that young boy— Hizashi— reaching out and proving to him that people could be nice. That people could have a heart.

Maybe it was the end of his impulsiveness.

A small part of him always thought he had imagined the boy to talk himself out of it.

Aizawa didn't remember watching the boy leave, only that he was gone. He didn't remember consciously deciding to step away from the edge and returning to his 'home',just that his feet were making their way to the place that he slept.

But he never went back to that bridge.

He never saw that kid again.

And he decided to become a hero, if only to beat the other heroes at their game.


	3. Care

"I wish I could take the colors from a rainbow

and place them into your heart

so you would remember what beautiful feels like

and know there is hope in the dark."

-Christy Ann Martine

* * *

The next day was… interesting to say the least.

Aizawa knew that Hizashi remembered him but he wasn't sure if that made things more awkward and uncertain or less so.

When he went to sit down in class that day, he saw Hizashi once again pull the headphones off of his head and stand up to look Aizawa eye to eye.

"Hey!" He said excitedly and then leaned back down, putting one arm on the desk and trying to ask nonchalant, "I mean, _Hey_," he nodded acting like he was a cool kid.

Aizawa rolled his eyes and took a seat.

"So…" Hizashi started to say, staring at his hands as he sat too, "what… what _is_ your quirk?"

"Erasure," Aizawa told him slowly, "I can remove someone's quirk as long as I'm staring at them."

"You… you can?" Hizashi asked. Aizawa didn't need to look at him to know that he would be staring with that _oh so _familiar pain and fear. "That's so cool!"

_Wait_— Aizawa thought to himself, _Was he speaking with apprehensions or admiration? _He wasn't used to anyone treating him like he had a useful quirk.

"That must be why you were so good in the Sports Festival! You could just erase people's quirks and then take them out like they were nothing! I watched the whole thing, of course, and thought it was awesome, though I didn't know it was _you_ at the time."

Hizashi went quiet and Aizawa decided it was his turn to speak. Hizashi at least deserved that much. "Most people hate having me around because they don't want me to get rid of their superpowers and their 'amazingness'. I think I make them feel like their power isn't really their own. Like they are no longer special."

"Really?" Hizashi asked, looking genuinely perplexed. "But you could help so many people who are afraid of losing control of their quirks. _I _wish I could have had something like that."

Aizawa looked at him curiously, ready to ask the question burning in his mind even though he knew it wasn't his place to, just as the teacher decided to start class.

-x-

Hizashi sat uncomfortably still, his eyes flashing between Aizawa and the teacher.

This man was a mystery to him.

He still couldn't tell whether he was about to commit ….. or not or if he had changed from who he used to be— nothing made sense in Hizashi's mind and he didn't know how to ask the questions that were really pushing at the edges of his mind.

He spent the entirety of class trying to decide what he wanted to say to Aizawa. And he didn't want to put them off because… well they were words that most definitely needed to be said. Even if he didn't know how to phrase them.

As soon as class was over, Hizashi stopped next to Aizawa's desk, leaning 'casually' on the edge of it and looking over his shoulder at Aizawa to ask him like a 'cool kid'.

"'Eyyy…. Aizawa, would you like to spend some more time with…" Hizashi paused to run his fingers through his hair, "Me? We can go eat lunch and I can show you the _best _parts of the school."

Aizawa looked at him dully and shrugged, "Sure."

Hizashi breathed a brief sigh and then grabbed Aizawa by the wrist, dragging him behind him. Aizawa didn't seem to complain as he was pulled outside and toward around a school building. They darted between trees and along pathways until Hizashi stopped, Aizawa, breathing lightly out of breath.

Hizashi glanced at Aizawa and then smirked, "Close your eyes."

Aizawa kept his eyes open.

"Come _onnnn,_" Hizashi cooed, stepping closer and placing a hand over Aizawa's eyes.

Aizawa, thankfully, didn't protest and followed, stumbling next to Hizashi.

Finally, they came to a stop and Hizashi removed his hand with a flourish that transformed into a bow as he presented the scenery to Aizawa.

"Ta da! The most beautiful place on campus!"

Aizawa looked around stunned at the scenery before him and stared at everything. "What… what is this place?"

It was a clearing in the woods... But more so it was a garden. There weren't many trees around UA but in this grassy forest area, there was a small protected area covered and hidden by bushes and crawling vines. A couple of stone benches, now overgrown with moss and vines, were lined up before a gardened platform that had flowers growing from cracks in the stone and blooming from above their heads.

"Not sure," Hizashi said simply as he ran to the raised platform and spread his arms wide, "But to me it looks like a Grecian stage!"

Aizawa nodded. "I'm… amazed. I had expected you to just go to the cafeteria but this is… this is stunning."

Hizashi beamed before remembering the real reason he had dragged Aizawa here.

"Aizawa… the reason I brought you here was so we could talk…"

-x-

Aizawa stared at the small boy before him.

He couldn't figure out what was going through his head. He never had been able to.

Hizashi seemed so nervous and so unsure of himself, Aizawa didn't know what to say or do. He didn't really want to be interrogated on who he was and why he was still around but he also wanted to help Hizashi and… he _was_ the only one who had… ever been nice to him.

So Aizawa decided to take a seat on the bench and listen.

He didn't have anything better to do.

Except maybe sleep some….

Hizashi bit his lip nervously and then blurted out a question, "How are you still here?"

He quickly covered his mouth with his hands panicking before Aizawa shook his head lightly and laid down on the bench.

He knew that Hizashi had no ill intentions behind the question. And he didn't mind the weird phrasing.

"To tell you the truth," Aizawa started slowly, "I'm not entirely sure. I just remember walking home. Without anything else to do, I decided to become a hero. With my quirk," Aizawa stopped and stared at his hands, "it wasn't easy to move from the Gen course to the Hero course but…"

"But you made it!" Hizashi said happily. He paused realizing he had interrupted Aizawa, loudly. "Sorry… Just… I don't normally stop people from… uhm… well I don't know what came over me. Back then. I wasn't having a good day, though I suppose nothing can compare to what you were feeling, so I decided to take a walk and I happened to be walking past that bridge when I saw you and I couldn't stop myself from… from speaking…"

Aizawa watched, curiosity overtaking him as Hizashi turned away, his voice cracking loudly and his hands pushing quickly to his eyes to wipe away a tear.

"I… I vowed that I would become a hero that day," Hizashi said softly. "Because I didn't want to lose someone else like I had lost you. Or _thought _I had lost you. I want to save everyone that I can! Whether they think they want it or not!"

"Such conviction," Aizawa said ruefully. It wasn't that he was angry with Hizashi. He was mildly amazed that he had managed to inspire the person who had inspired him.

"Hey, don't rain on my parade, [_baby]_," Hizashi smirked, tilting his head back towards Aizawa. He could see the light puffiness around his eyes but he didn't comment. "I just… I want to save you. So will you let me?"

"Why would you want anything to do with me?" Aizawa shifted uncomfortably.

"Have you seen how many people come up to my desk asking for an autograph? None… yet," Hizashi added with a wide smile and a wink. "One day I plan to be an epic radio icon! A musician! A DJ! And most importantly, a Hero!" He struck a different outlandish pose with each word, turning and shifting his weight, smiling the whole time and pointing at Aizawa half of the time.

Aizawa rolled his eyes. "Good luck with that."

"Thank you," Hizashi bowed, either not understanding Aizawa's sarcasm or deciding to ignore it.

"I'm just going to do as you said and save one person," Aizawa sighed, settling down and closing his eyes.

Hizashi sat next to his head and swiftly picked up Aizawa's head only to replace it on his lap. "Just one person?"

Aizawa watched him, debating whether or not he wanted to get up and off of Hizashi or if he was too lazy to move that far. Laziness won as he sighed and settled back down. "I"m going to be an underground hero. That way, no one will miss me when I lose but maybe I can save more people than just one…"

"That's the spirit!" Hizashi shouted excitedly. "Now… would you like some rice?"

"What?"

"Rice!"

Aizawa opened his eyes to see Hizashi beaming at him through those strange triangular glasses, a steaming bowl in one hand and chopsticks with a mouthful of rice in the other.

"What, did you bring food for me to eat? Do you plan on hand feeding me?" Aizawa mumbled.

"Well what else are you going to eat?"

"Nothing. I tend not to eat lunch."

"Then sit up!" Hizashi told him, "Cause I am not letting the new coming hero starve."

Aizawa obeyed, reluctantly and sat up, but he did not grab the bowl of food that Hizashi held out to him. "Why are you taking care of me?"

Hizashi lowered the bowl and spoke very quietly. At first the words didn't register in Aizawa's ears and then he realized why: Hizashi was speaking in English.

"What was that?" Aizawa asked.

"I said…" Hizashi paused and then spoke a bit louder. Even with Aizawa's minimal knowledge of English, he understood what Hizashi had said, with a bit of thought. "[I care about you.]"

[_I care about you._]

Aizawa was so frozen, so confused and unsure by what Hizashi was telling him (and whether or not he had understood correctly) that he took the bowl of rice and chopsticks as he muttered, "Why?"

"I saved you once," Hizashi said quietly. "I don't fancy losing you."

Aizawa ate the rice quietly, next to Hizashi who grabbed out a second container along with some more protein, half of which he added to Aizawa's rice. Aizawa didn't argue and took the food given to him without question and ate it.

It was tasty.


	4. Someone There

-x- perspective change.

I made some changes to the way I did the changes in time. Now -x- is just a perspective change and if there is a time change it is specified. The other chapters have been edited as well.

Also I have them living in the dorms just so that it is more efficient for the story.

**"The Loneliest people are the kindest.**

**The saddest people smile the brightest. **

**The most damaged people are the wisest. **

**All because they do not wish to see anyone **

**else suffer the way they do."**

-Anonymous

* * *

-x-

-Three Weeks Later-

Hizashi decided to take to walking with Aizawa back to the dorms. He knew he was clingy. He had been told so half a dozen times, but he loved attention and no one gave it to him. They all ignored him and pretended that he didn't exist. Aizawa acknowledged that he was a person and existed and was someone worth talking to.

Or maybe he was just better at pretending that he tolerated Hizashi than other people were.

Or… even if Hizashi didn't want to admit it, maybe Aizawa felt indebted to him.

But he was determined, even if that was the case, to try his hardest to get Aizawa to be his friend.

Every time they reached the dorm buildings, Hizashi would already have his keycard out and would be using it to let them in. AIzawa would hold the door for him and they would walk in, one after the other.

And maybe Hizashi was crazy for thinking that people seemed happier with him distracted. But he wasn't annoying anyone, trying desperately to become their friends and everyone seemed more content to just talk to their own people and friends.

Though… Aizawa rarely ever went up and talked to Hizashi himself so maybe he would rather be alone as well.

Hizashi didn't want that though. He liked getting to know him. He was like a mystery that Hizashi couldn't crack. A shadow with a hidden light. And it was too fascinating to listen to him and learn about his mind and his history, not that Aizawa shared much ever.

Hizashi did have one other friend: Nemuri Kayama. Nemuri was so charismatic she tended to be popular with anyone and everyone. But she made sure to make time for the unpopular guys in class too. And maybe she liked Hizashi because he didn't _only_ hit on her.

One day, she tailed Hizashi and Aizawa to their secret lunch spot and spent the period talking with them and having a great time. After that, they had declared themselves all three friends. Or really, Nemuri and Hizashi had declared to be friends with Aizawa.

Plus Nemuri and Aizawa could bond over their dislike of the entrance exam. She hadn't had the easiest time getting into the hero course either, getting in on recommendations instead of through the challenge that Hizashi had gone through.

"So Aizawa," she beamed at him, "What are you thinking you're going to choose for your hero name?"

"I don't know," He muttered quietly.

"_I _for one want to be 'PRESENT MIC!'" Hizashi butted in, almost shouting his name.

"How do you know that we're going to name ourselves?" Aizawa asked quietly, ignoring Hizashi and his epic posing above them.

Nemuri shrugged, "Just a rumour the teacher told me."

Hizashi laughed. He knew that Nemuri had a way of charming any and everyone. She would be happy to play her body to all it was good for to get even the smallest bit of gossip.

"You had better think of a name by tomorrow," Hizashi warned Aizawa with a playful shoulder bump.

"Why can't I just be 'that underground hero'?" Aizawa questioned deadpanned.

Nemuri burst out laughing, whacking Aizawa's back as she did so. "GOOD ONE! 'That Underground Hero!' So inspiring!" She stood up and put her hands on her hips and looked into the wind. "It 'tis I! The _Underground Hero!_"

Hizashi got onto the ground and put his hands up like he was shielding his face from the light of Nemuri. "OH no! I'm terrified! _The Underground Hero_ has come to destroy me! Waaaah!"

Aizawa glared at them, whacking Hizashi in the back of the head just hard enough that he knocked him forward where he stumbled onto the ground.

"Hey!" Hizashi protested from his place in the dirt while Nemuri snickered before Aizawa smacked her behind the head too, somehow only making her laugh more.

Hizashi was happy. He had friends and he had a life and things seemed like they were going well for him. Maybe the rest of the year wouldn't be so bad?

-x-

-Next Day-

"Write your chosen Hero names on the blackboard and present them to the class so that we can check them over and make sure that they are appropriate and available," their teacher told them the next day.

Aizawa watched lazily as Hizashi opened his marker so quickly he managed to make a black line on his hand and then write down "PRESENT MIC," in both English and Japanese.

Aizawa sat there, staring blankly at his board. He had no clue what kind of name to pick.

"Let's go _present_," Hizashi snickered at his wordplay, "our names together! Or one after the other!"

"I don't know what I'm going to name myself," Aizawa told him slowly. "I don't really care."

He paused as Nemuri came up and presented her chosen name to the room only to be met with gasps and the teacher harshly telling her to choose something more appropriate and lacking _that_ word.

Hizashi smiled broadly and then turned back to Aizawa, "So what are you _thinking?_"

"If I'm going to be an underground hero then I'm not going to appear in the media so I don't really care what name I have."

Aizawa watched as HIzashi stood up and posed towards him. "Then how about, ERASERHEAD."

Aizawa shrugged and started writing. "Sure. I guess."

Hizashi beamed at him, happy to have helped.

Aizawa wasn't sure he really liked the name, but the enthusiasm Hizashi expressed was plenty to make him content to choose it.

-x-

After everyone chose their names and they had a small lesson about going off to train with another hero, they were dismissed the the dorms for the evening. Hizashi bounded up from his seat, ready with questions to ask Aizawa where he was going, just as their teacher called Aizawa back into the classroom. Hizashi looked at Aizawa curiously as he walked out the door, hesitating as Aizawa was inside still.

Nemuri walked up to him, a grin adorning her face. "You two— wait, where's Aizawa?"

Hizashi gestured to the room behind him with his thumb. "He's talking to the big boss of the class."

"Oh, so I guess it's just us tonight?"

"Well he might be back out quickly," Hizashi murmured, tilting his glasses to obscure his eyes.

"What? You want to wait for him?" Nemuri asked, surprised. "He could be in there for hours!"

"I know," Hizashi sighed, leaning up against the wall behind him, "But... I'm not sure that he has a key to get into the dorms or not. And I want ot make sure that he can get in and get a place to sleep. He doesn't need to look _more _like he's homeless."

He shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile. Nemuri rolled her eyes and thumped her backpack down next to where he was standing and immediately started rummaging through it. "You had better be glad that I keep a pack of cards with me."

She opened the deck and started shuffling. "Come on, Sit down. We might be here for a little while so we had better get started on some games."

-x-

Aizawa gulped as he walked over the the teacher and Hizashi walked out, a worried smile adorning his face.

Saying that he wasn't nervous was a blatant lie, but Aizawa couldn't let his emotions show. He couldn't let his anxiety over being removed from the hero course be subdued.

And he couldn't smile through his emotions like Hizashi could.

"H-hi…" He trailed off slowly closing his eyes and trying to retreat to the back of his mind. "What did you want to talk to me about, Sensei?"

"Aizawa," she said, looking of from the papers in her hands and smiling kindly at him. "I wanted to compare your scores from the Gen class to the Hero course here. It looks as though your grades have declined slightly despite the fact that the work load is slightly more relaxed than the Gen classes, in certain aspects."

Aizawa swallowed thickly unable to stop himself from flinching as she spoke.

This was it. This was the moment where he was going to be removed from the Hero class. He was just certain of it.

"But I do understand that this class is different and your grades in the other courses have stayed pretty consistent. I'm proud of you Aizawa."

Aizawa nodded solemnly, the words not quite registering in his mind. His eyes shot open and he shouted, "What?!" before he thought about it better.

"You heard me," She smiled warmly. "I'm proud of your transition. I think you were a good fit for the hero class."

"I… what?"

"So how do _you_ feel about this hero course? I've seen you talking to Yamada quite a bit. And Kayama. They're both fairly bright, even though, between you and me," she glanced at him conspiratorially, "Yamada doesn't _act_ like heś the brightest bulb even though he gets top mark grades!"

Aizawa had to sit. He leaned against the front desks and blinked for a second, pushing the hair in his eyes out of the way only to have it fall back down as soon as his hand left the tangled strands.

"Y-yeah...I… thank you, Sensei," Aizaw murmured. "I'm so honored to have this opportunity. I'm glad that I get to be a hero and join in the Hero course. Um… I think I've been doing all right. Hizashi has been really kind in showing me around. We… we um, met a couple of years ago and it's sort of nice to reconnect."

"That's good," She smiled again, and, this time, the smile reached her warm eyes. "So do you have any concerns? Any questions or worries that you would like to talk to me about or do you feel good about everything?" She gestured vaguely around to the surrounding classroom.

"I think I"m good," Aizawa murmured, thinking of Hizashi not leaving his side and helping him. "I'm still adjusting and learning who everyone its, but I feel more solid in how everything is going and I think that it'll only get better." He cringed at his own cheesiness. Maybe Hizashi was rubbing off on him more than he would like to admit.

"I'm glad to hear it. You can go ahead and leave whenever you are ready to. Though I would appreciate some extra help sorting some papers…." she said not-so-subtly.

Aizawa sighed internally, rather wanting to just take a nap, but knowing that it was 'the good thing' to help his teacher.

"Yes," he said quietly, "I'll help you if that's what you would like me to do."

-x-

Hizashi and Nemuri had been playing cards for what felt like a century, dozing in between rounds and talking about random facts, before they had finally put the deck away.

"Are you sure that he's in there?" Nemuri asked again, laying on the ground with her hands folded over her chest.

"Yes," Hizashi asserted, "I'm sure. And I'd like to wait for him. Though, as I've said, I'm perfectly content to wait by myself if you want to head back to the doms."

"No," Nemuri sighed over-dramatically, smiling as she did so, "I'll stay here. Like a good friend. And maybe, I might just get some juice from you."

Hizashi sat up a little straighter and eyed her cautiously. "You haven't heard any new rumors about me have you?"

"No…" Nemuri sing-songed. "But that doesn't meant that I don't have some of my own questions."

"Then ask away!" Hizashi smirked. "I'm an open book."

Nemuri smirked. "Please, this is the only time I get any good dirt anymore with you always hanging around… _him_."

"Okay?" Hizashi asked, still not understanding.

Nemuri sat up and eyed him shiftily, leaning close like she was divulging a great secret. "You _like_ Aizawa!"

Hizashi stared at her, his cheery expression unchanging. "Of course I do. He's a good friend and I want to protect him."

Nemuri whacked his shoulder. "I don't care how good your poker face is, you _know _ what I mean."

Hizashi decided to play innocent. "I do not, in fact, know what you are talking about. I would like to claim that I am ignorant of the way your mind works."

"Okay, fine," Nemuri said a glint in her eye. "Then I'll tell you plainly. You would like to take Aizawa to a dinner. You would like to press him against a wall and kiss him, _mwah mwah mwah! _You would like to hold his hand. You would like to make out with him."

"Alright," Hizashi said, cutting her off.

"You," she said, practically dancing around him from her place sitting. "Would like to _fu—_"

"ALRIGHT!" Hizashi yelped. "I get it, I get it."

"Look at you! You're blushing!" Nemuri shouted delighted.

"I'm pretty sure that _anyone _would blush if you started talking about them doing the do with their best friend."

Nemuri put a hand to her chest in mock offense. "Excuse me? I'm no longer even the _best friend?_ He's even taken that away from me?"

"You are _both _my best friends," Hizashi smiled, turning his smile on her.

"You would just never want to date _me_," She laughed.

Hizashi opened and closed his mouth, not sure how to react to that statement.

"Oh you know I'm right!" Nemuri joked, laughing as she sat up and put her arm around him.

"Why… why do you think that?" Hizashi asked, his smile never leaving his face despite his uncertain expression.

Nemuri _looked_ at him, raising her eyebrows in knowing. "Because, honey, you gay."

"I—… what? I don't know what you're talking about. _[The Ladies Love Present Mic]._ Or they will…"

Nemuri laughed. "The Ladies may love you, but that doesn't mean that you'll ever be _with_ one of them."

"How do you know?" Hizashi asked.

"Am I wrong?" Nemuri smirked.

"I…" Hizashi didn't know what to say. It wasn't that he didn't know how to reply to Nemuri, he had started questioning his own sexuality about a year before (and still wasn't quite sure). And he wasn't mad with her joking. He quite liked her teasing. But his relationship with Aizawa wasn't… it was deeper than that.

"I," Hizashi started again, "don't think I can answer that. Sure I like Aizawa. But our relationship is… different than that. I don't know how to phrase it. Just that It's something _more_."

Nemuri quieted down and laid back pensively. "I suppose," she whispered thinking deeper.

Hizashi too, was thinking pensively on what he had told Nemuri and what he was coming to realize himself.

-x-

Aizawa stepped out of the classroom and closed the door behind him before he turned to find his Hizashi and Nemuri sitting and laying (respectively) on the floor, both of them staring at the wall as though it provided all of the answers to life.

Aizawa didn't say anything, waiting, instead, for them to notice him. He didn't want to interrupt them if they were doing something important.

Hizashi was the first to break out of his staring. He shook his head lightly and in one fluid motion bounded upwards and grinned broadly at Aizawa.

"Hi," Aizawa whispered quietly.

"You have returned from the depths of the teacher's clutches," Hizashi intoned dramatically. "Do you have any wounds? Great battle scars?" he grabbed Aizawa's arm and started scanning it for wounds theatrically. Aizawa couldn't stop his face from heating up and a small smile trying to play at the edge of his lip. He doubted Hizashi noticed, though.

Behind them, Nemuri snorted, prompting Aizawa to pull back from Hizashi. "Should we start heading back to the dorms?" he asked.

"Yep!" Hizashi cheered, scooping up Nemuri's pack of cards in one hand and then glancing at her. "Should we help her up or just leave her here and take her cards?"

"Help me up goddammit!" Nemuri yelped, raising her hands up to be pulled up.

"Meh," Aizawa grunted. "We can leave her here if you want."

"I mean, we should probably help her considering she waited with me and didn't ask many questions about it. I feel like that's deserving of something."

Hizashi grabbed one of her hands and Aizawa the other and together they pulled her up.

Together, they walked back to the dorms. Aizawa was grateful that neither of them probed for what the teacher had been asking him about. He didn't really feel like talking and sharing about his 'adjustments.'

When they got back to the dorms, like always, Hizashi used his card to open the rooms and Aizawa held the door for both him and Nemuri.

Just inside, Aizawa paused, thinking about Hizashi and Nemuri in the hallway and why they would be there. The thought that they were waiting for him passed through his mind but he just couldn't be sure.

"So…" he stared awkwardly and then instantly regretted speaking, but Hizashi and Nemuri's eyes were locked with his and he couldn't stop. "Why _were_ you guys out in the hallway while I was talking to the teacher?"

Hizashi instantly looked away, his eyes darting around in a calculating way as he rubbed the back of his head and stumbled over his words, "Well, you see… I— we… were doing this—"

"Hizashi wanted to wait for you so that if you didn't have a dorm key, you wouldn't be locked out of the building," Nemuri said plainly with an added devilish smirk.

Aizawa looked to Hizashi and couldn't help the warmth that bubbled up inside of him. Hizashi… thought through that much? And cared enough? About him? Enough to wait after school for him to come out of a meeting with the teacher? "T-Thank you… very much," Aizawa stuttered, swallowing and tilting his head towards Hizashi in a slight bow.

"No, no," Hizashi waved his hands to dissuade Aizaa. "It was nothing. Really! Don't worry."

"Sure," Nemuri teased, rubbing Hizashi's hair as she walked past. "Once you two…" she stopped as though considering her words carefully, "are done talking you can join me for some food. I'm _starving_."

Aizawa blinked slowly at Hizashi, wondering why he was suddenly more fidgety than normal. And why he wouldn't look Aizawa in the eye.

"Um…" Hizashi paused then shook his head like earlier and looked up at Aizawa. "Race to beat Nemuri?"

"Too much effort," Aizawa moaned as he flopped down onto the ground.

"Well you need to eat so I"m either going to carry you— which will not end well for either of us— or I'm going to bring food to you here and stuff it into your face." Hizashi grinned. "Or you can just stand up and walk."

AIzawa was half tempted to see how Hizashi tried to carry him, but he didn't want to break the twig of a blond hero. Reluctantly, he stood up and followed Hizashi and Nemuri to the dining hall.

-Later that Night-

Once again Aizawa couldn't sleep. He glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. He knew that it was the time for rest but thanks to his _lovely _friend Insomnia, he was quite familiar with that time in the morning.

Nothing good ever came from 3 A.M.

It was the time when his brain ran wild and the shadows in his mind came out and attacked and feasted on his weakness until he was just a shell of a person. It was the time where he had cried many tears just wishing for his own self doubt and his own self hatred to just… _end_.

And maybe sleep would come. Maybe it wouldn't.

Aizawa began to doubt his placement in the Hero course. He began to doubt his friends. He began to stress about his grades slipping and wondering if it would just be better to end everything still, even though that would crush poor Hizashi's dreams.

He couldn't do that.

So he would be a puppet, Aizawa decided. He would continue going on and existing as a being for others to feel better about themselves. He would be there for his teachers and for Hizashi and Nemuri and his classmates and for anyone else he managed to save in his pathetic life.

He sort of felt like a fish out of water. Flopping around clumsily until he either fell back into the sweet release of the liquid or he eventually was spent and dried up, a husk of his former self.

Though, speaking of water, Aizawa's thoughts were broken by his thirst. He didn't fancy getting up and moving, his body already paralysed in preparation for sleep, but it might do him some good to distract his brain.

So he forced himself up and wandered down the halls to the kitchen, fetching a glass of water and drinking it. He was about to head back to his room when he noticed a light still on in the living area of the dorm. Quietly, used to living with other people, Aizawa krept closer to the light and looked at the couch next to it to see who was there.

And… it was Hizashi?

But he wasn't just sleeping on the couch— well he was. But he had a textbook plastered against his chest. His glasses were askew and his head was tilted and what must have been a horribly uncomfortable angle. Papers had scattered across the floor from where they had fallen from Hizashi's hand.

Aizawa didn't want to snoop but he did want to help. So he picked up the pages on the floor and lifted the textbook off of Hizashi's chest. He couldn't help noticing that the papers were a mix of subjects, mostly study sheets and notes but a few homework sheets. Hizashi had filled out every centimeter of space in immense detail, his neat cramped writing filling up even the margines of his work. He had English papers and math worksheets and applications for hero work abroad and all _kinds_ of papers.

Aizawa thought back to what their teacher had said about Hizashi not _looking _ or acting like the brightest bulb but getting top scores in most every test.

Even after he moved the books, he decided he couldn't leave Hizashi like that, but he wasn't sure he could pick him up and move him all the way to his dorm room either. Instead, he ran back to his own room, grabbed his pillow and a spare blanket and ran back to Hizashi.

He fixed his head so it rested evenly on the pillow and he laid a blanket over his body so he wouldn't get cold. Finally, Aizawa took off Hizashi's glasses and laid them on top of the textbook. He couldn't imagine that it was good to sleep in them.

Quietly, he stepped back, checking that Hizashi looked comfortable enough.

Satisfied, Aizawa turned off the light and headed back to his room where he laid down and tried to go to sleep.

This time, as the dark thoughts started to cloud his brain, he heard a new voice. A bright shiny voice that kind of hurt his head but in a good way.

"[_I care about you._]" he heard Hizashi Yamada say softly, under his breath. Almost as though he were admitting a great secret.

And somehow, Aizawa found his mind calmed and he was able to go to sleep and focus more than he ever remembered being able to on nights where he couldn't sleep.

It was nice.


	5. Listen

**"****Maybe you have to **

**know the darkness**

**before you can **

**appreciate the light."**

-Madeline L'Engle

* * *

-x-

-Six Months Ago-

"Hizashi," Nemuri said quietly, "I'm getting worried about you."

"It's no big deal," Hizashi grumbled, rubbing at the edge of his eyes. "I'm fine."

He picked up his backpack and lifted it over his shoulder, not daring to look over and meet Nemuri's eyes.

"Hizashi!" She said, running up and grabbing his shoulder, stopping him from moving. "I'm not joking this time! Or any time! As your friend, I'm worried about you!"

Hizashi swallowed. He knew that she only wanted to help him, but her concern just increased the volume of the voice in his head saying the same thing. The voice he was trying to work through. He was _fine_. Mostly. He was managing and that's what mattered.

"I know," he told her firmly. "And that's why I'm telling you that I'm _fine_." He shrugged her off and walked down the hall, not looking back to see what kind of face she was making.

He had to get his grades even higher. He had to focus. Had to beat the best.

He couldn't stop thinking about that disapproving look his teacher had given him as she 'threatened' him with the support course. Technically, she hadn't threatened him. More like she heavily implied that he may be 'better suited' for support.

He knew that she wanted him to take it because he'd be 'perfect' for it, but what did that matter? Sure he was good with gadgets and things but he didn't _want_ to do that. He wanted to work to be a _hero._

A hero with better grades.

When he got the the dorms, he walked in swiftly, charging straight to his room and closing the door. He opened his music on his phone and synced it with his hearing aids so he could drown out everything else.

He paused, sitting on the edge of his bed and taking some deep breaths. He knew he was being irrational.

"_Hizashi, you're really smart. You can easily excel in all of your classes if you just try a bit more," _he heard his teacher telling him in his mind.

_Yeah, sure_, Hizashi thought to himself, _I'll just try a bit more and break myself in the process. _

He _was_ smart, that he didn't doubt, but his intelligence for the hero course didn't come easily to him. He had to study to remember things. He could get distracted and forget to turn in homework, even when he finished it, but then he would be too nervous to ask his teacher to take his late work so he would just… leave it in his bag.

And with a quirk that wasn't 'the best' he had to try twice as hard as everyone else.

So he wasn't going to let himself be distracted. He opened his backpack and pulled out all of his notes and began tirelessly reading through them. Studying the things he knew by heart and the things he forgot routinely. If his teacher wanted him to be better then he would be the best of the best.

He worked late into the night, trying as hard as he could to stay awake and just learn _one _more fact.

He heard Nemuri knock on his door once, during the night, and he froze but didn't reply. Vaguely through his music he heard her say "Hizashi, I know you don't want to see me but… I'd really like to talk to you. You can pick when. I'm ready any time. Even at four in the morning. Anytime. Just _please_ talk to me."

Hizashi frowned. He didn't need her telling him what he already knew.

_This was too much._

_He was in over his head._

_He was never going to be a real pro hero. _

_He was going to fail and fall off his own bridge._

The boy on the bridge with the dark shaggy hair flashed through his mind and Hizashi swallowed, jumping back in his seat.

_No, no, no, no, no! Not again_.

"_Failure_," the boy said harshly, staring into Hizashi's eyes. "_Why did you fail me? Why did you LEAVE?"_

"I didn't!" Hizashi moaned, trying to blink his eyes and see past the boy. He _knew _ that he wasn't real and he was only a figment of his imagination, but that didn't stop him from hating himself all over again. Every time he closed his eyes and stopped for even a second, he could see that boy's face.

"I _tried_," Hizashi pleaded with his mind.

"_If you couldn't save me, then how do you ever expect to be a hero." _

The boy turned and left. Hizashi closed his mind, looking away from where the boy jumped. He couldn't bear it.

But that was why he wanted to be a hero.

He needed to become a hero to be able to help save the memory of that little boy. And one day, he could talk about why he wanted to be a hero and how everyone could be a hero if they just helped the young children in their lives who were hurting and alone and just in need of a friend.

And he had to keep studying to distract himself from the memory or else the boy would come back and would talk to him and stare at him with his lugubrious pained eyes.

And his grades would start to decrease again.

But no matter what Hizashi did, it would never be enough.

He awoke to someone rubbing his shoulder. His eyes shot open as Nemuri stood over him, staring down at him with those pitying eyes that he was oh, so familiar with seeing.

"Goodmorning, sleepyhead," Nemuri purred softly.

"Mmh," Hizashi grumbled, turning away. Music was still playing in his ear and his neck hurt like hell. Confused, he blinked his eyes open and sat up slowly, his body cracking as he did.

"Ugh," He grumbled again, fumbling for his nearly dead phone to turn off the music.

As he opened it, he noticed the time.

10:03 A.M.

"WHAT!" Hizashi screeched, forgetting to moderate his voice and falling out of his chair.

He turned to see Nemuri smiling softly at him.

"It's ten! Nemuri we have _class!" _Hizashi panicked already changing into his school uniform (he didn't really care that Nemuri was there).

"Hizashi," she said softly, calmly. "I need you to sit down for a second."

"Why didn't you wake me earlier? I _have _to be in class!"

She gave him a stern, motherly look that rather terrified Hizashi. He knew that that look meant she was done arguing and wasn't going to take 'no' for any kind of answer. Reluctantly, he took a seat, his UA jacket not even on nor his tie.

"Hizashi," Nemuri whispered, "I notice that you will still fast asleep this morning so I went to talk to our teacher and she gave you and me permission to take the day off. I know you aren't going to like that Hizashi, but you've been working yourself into the ground. I honestly don't think you can keep going like this."

"But—"

Nemuri held up a hand, stopping Hizashi from speaking. "I let you sleep later because you are _dead _tired. Hizashi, you fell asleep with your hearing aids in and on top of a book! You know how bad that is for all parts of your body?"

Hizashi lowered his head in response.

"I know that you think you need to be working at all times but that _isn't _the answer. So I talked to our teacher and we have the day off. Before you ask, yes, we'll study, but I'm also making you relax in some way and you need to tell me what's been bothering you so much. I can't help as much if I don't know."

Hizashi heard all of her words like an echo. He felt the mist in his eyes and squeezed them shut to prevent any tears from falling.

"Hizashi?" She questioned after a pause, clearly unsure whether she should give him space or distract him.

"I'm here," Hizashi told her. "I just… don't know what to say." His voice cracked as he spoke.

"Anything. Say anything you want," Nemuri told him calmly.

"I..I feel like I need to do better. I feel like I need to get the best grades. And skipping a day won't help."

"Then," Nemuri said slowly, "how about you trust a friend and have a fun day with me? Come one. I had some time to prepare something and I want to show it to you. But first, get changed into something more comfortable."

-x-

Hizashi came out of his room to see Nemuri wearing an apron and holding a bowl in her arms.

"What's all this?" Hizashi asked, grinning despite himself. "Wait… don't tell me… is it _[a bake off?_]"

"Why yes it is!" Nemuri cheered. "But I've already gotten a head start on my cake, mostly because we only have one oven," she added, "So you had better work extra hard to catch up to me!"

"[_Oh, you're on!]_ Hizashi shouted, dashing into the kitchen and already preparing to bake.

He wasn't the best at baking, but he loved doing it. No, more accurately, he loved decorating various pastries and making them look as crazy as he could.

Hizashi chose the music to be upbeat and fun, blasting it over the kitchen while he and Nemuri danced and baked and got flour _everywhere._

When both of their pans were in the oven, they cleaned the kitchen and prepared their icing. Hizashi had no clue what Nemuri was making, but he was excited to try it.

They refrigerated their cakes and frosting and sat to wait until they were chilled.

"Ah," Nemuri sighed, "That was nice. Quiet. Relaxing. What did you think, Hizashi?"

"[_It was the bomb!_]" Hizashi cheered. He was already feeling much better. But the moment that they stopped working, he felt the doubt and anxiety creep back onto his mind.

He noticed himself scowling and forced his face into a wide smile.

"No, no, no," Nemuri scolded. "I know that smile is forced. I know you don't really mean that." She stopped and settled down, staring intensely at Hizashi and biting her lip.

Hizashi knew that she had something to say. Or more likely she wanted to ask him about what was troubling him.

But the dark haired boy on top of the bridge was _his _motivation. _His _secret. _His _story. And he didn't think that he could tell Nemuri.

Not yet.

Hizashi turned his head away from her and they sat in silence for a little while.

By the time the timer on his phone to check the cakes in the fridge went off, he and Nemuri had begun talking about how no one in their class appreciated music.

They pulled the cakes and icing out of the fridge and Nemuri winked at Hizashi as he nodded and turned up the music, singing along in perfect tune as he worked.

He threw his voice and sung along with perfect pitch.

He danced as he decorated his cakes with bursts of sunshine and forests of trees. Nemuri glared at him whenever she glanced over at his cake but her glare quickly turned into a smile as Hizashi danced ridiculously to music.

When they had both finished, Hizashi presented his cake with a flourish and Nemuri presented hers. Hizashi had decorated a circular cake with swirling blues and oranges and yellows to represent the sun in the sky as it cast over a twisting pine forest. Even the sides continued with swirling pinks and oranges and yellows like sunbursts.

Nemuri had tried to make a moon with stars along the sides. All together, it wasn't the worst but it definitely wasn't on the same level as Hizashi's.

"Mine might _taste_ better," Nemuri said sullenly. She grabbed a fork and stabbed her cake, tasting a large bite. Immediately she spit it out and gagged at the taste, running to the sink to drink some water.

"That bad?" Hizashi questioned, taking a bite of hers. He, too, spit it out and gasped in disgust. "I think…." he said slowly, gasping in air and mouthfuls of water, "that you replaced sugar with salt."

Nemuri nodded. "Yep. You win. I'm going to try yours now so I can stop suffering the aftertaste mine."

She washed off the fork of the salty cake and took a bite of Hizashi's stabbing it directly through the sun. He had specifically made a mildly citrus-y cake in order to complement with the sun theme he had been going for.

And it worked perfectly.

"MMM!" Nemuri declared loving the taste. Hizashi cut himself and Nemuri a slice and went to sit on the couch, the music still playing in the background. "I'm glad one of us can bake!"

"I think your cake looks wonderful," Hizashi complemented.

Nemuri raised an eyebrow and then burst into laughter. "Thank you for humoring me but it sucks."

Hizashi ate his cake, smiling that it worked out and thinking of what kind of world the little black-haired boy might be in. He had never been very religious, but Hizashi hoped that the boy was somewhere warm where the sun could reach him and the trees smelled fresh and earthy. He hoped that he was somewhere peaceful.

A quieter song came on the playlist Hizashi had made and he started bobbing his head and singling the lyrics.

He knew Nemuri was staring at him but he felt like he was in his own little bubble, away from everyone and untouchable.

"It happened almost four years ago," Hizashi said to nothing in particular. "I was walking down a quiet neighborhood street when I came to a bridge. And on the bridge… there was this boy."

Hizashi paused, smiling despite himself. "The boy had tangled black hair that went just past his shoulders. He looked to be about my age but his eyes told stories of being centuries older.

"And…" Hizashi choked, the smile disappearing. "And he was abut to jump. So… so I called out to him. I pleaded with him not to do it. I pleaded with him to be a hero and save himself. To only save one person even if that person was himself.

"But then he yelled at me to leave." Hizashi turned away from Nemuri and closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He hadn't realized how much this was hurting him.

He wanted to tell her that he helped and because of that boy he wanted to help more people, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

He couldn't lie about that boy.

"And I did. I left him and ran away, crying."

Hizashi left a moment of silence in respect for that boy.

"I left and he killed himself and it's my fault because I left and—"

He was cut off by the warmth of Nemuri wrapping her arms around him. She nestled his head into the crook of her neck and held him as the tears began to flow freely from his eyes.

"Nemuri, I left him and he suffered and I left!"

Nemuri started to hum softly like a mom who wanted to comfort her child. "I think your words did help him. And they helped you too. Because you told him to help just one person. And guess what he did? He helped you. He helped you to feel as though you could make a difference and to motivate you to become a hero."

Hizashi had never thought of that. "And it wasn't your life or his," Nemuri continued sweetly, "It was him enhancing your life because you happened to be there."

"But if I had only stayed—"

"If you had only stayed then likely, nothing would have changed. That boy was far beyond broken. And just the fact that you _tried_ proves how much of a hero you are, Hizashi."

She pulled back from the hug, still holding his shoulders and then moved to wipe the tears from his face. "I think that you are a wonderful hero who is beyond brilliant and has a heart of gold."

"You'd be the first," Hizashi murmured. He couldn't think of the last time he had really let people see this vulnerable side of him. He preferred putting on a presentation for everyone to watch.

He preferred having a mask to hide behind.

Nemuri didn't doubt that Hizashi wasn't the most popular in class. He had gotten in mostly because of his scores on the written exam, he was loud, and he didn't relate to people easily. They liked him enough but more like you liked the class clown. Someone you couldn't imagine being absent from the class but not someone you would hang out with outside of class.

"I bet," Nemuri told him with a wide smile, "That your tech, your DJ skills, and your _voice_, will all make you one of the most well known and well liked heroes that anyone has ever known. And if those things don't work, then you are going to become a baker and become world famous that way. Because this cake is delicious and beautiful."

Hizashi stood up, going to get a tissue and a drink of water. He couldn't help but add, "Like me!" to the end of her sentence, though.

Nemuri coughed and choked on her bite of cake, laughing at him as she stared.

"You're right, Nemuri," Hizashi conceded honestly after he downed a glass of water. "I need to use that experience to push me forward. I don't think I'm going to stop doubting my abilities, though."

"No one wants a _tired_ DJ," Nemuri pointed out.

"I suppose that's true. I promise to sleep a bit better."

"Good because you need it, [_Mr. Eyebags_]."

"What!?" Hizashi squacked. "I do _not_."

"Yep. So you need to sleep more to make them go away faster."

Hizashi felt so relieved that they were bickering and joking and smiling again. It felt like… for an afternoon, he was able to take of his mask.

But… the next day he would have to put on another one.

One that showed Nemuri and his teacher and his class that he was _really_ okay.

Even though he wasn't.

And he didn't think he ever would be.


	6. Mistake

**"****I would rather walk **

**with a friend in the dark**

**than alone in the light."**

-Helen Keller

...

* * *

-Six Months Later-

-Present day-

-x-

Aizawa woke up groggily to the alarm he had set, barely shifting out of bed to flick snooze and flopping back on his pillow. He didn't want to wake up.

It was his twelfth time hitting snooze on the various alarms he had set.

The only thing that made him peak his head up, besides the subconscious part of him screaming that he had school and needed to wake up, was the smell of pancakes in the kitchen.

He hadn't thought he was particularly hungry but his stomach declared otherwise, dissatisfied with his dinner the night before.

Aizawa heaved himself out of bed and meandered towards the door. If only he could bring his bed with him and sleep some more…

He opened the door and walked sluggishly towards the kitchen to find some of the other students working on baking pancakes, slicing fruit, and cooking eggs. Ryuko Tsuchikawa grinned delightedly at Aizawa and waved from her place in the kitchen. "Hiya! Want some food? How'd you sleep? Good night?"

Aizawa was too tired to deal with any peppy loud people. He wanted to curl into a ball and go back to sleep.

Silently, he grabbed the plate that Yawara Chatora held out and went to the sitting area to sit. He wondered where Nemuri and Hizashi were. It seemed weird that he managed to hall himself out of bed before they had, especially considering how many students were already up and milling about.

Aizawa stopped dead in his tracks as he reached the sitting room and spotted Hizashi still on the couch, as Aizawa had left him.

Gently, Aizawa set down his food and knelt next to Hizashi, rubbing his shoulder gently.

Hizashi rolled over and tried to wrap an arm around Aizawa, but he dodged out of the way.

"Hizashi," Aizawa called softly as he gently poked the sleeping blond. "There's food. I'm actually eating it."

Hizashi opened his eyes sleepily and mumbled, "No my [_spaghetti]_ Aizawa would never eat homework." Then he flopped back onto the pillow and passed back out.

Aizawa opened and closed his mouth slowly, unsure what to say.

"I tried to wake him once," Chatora told him. "But then I gave up after I got some gibberish about you eating rice."

"Me?" Aizawa asked uncertainly.

"Yeah," Chatora smirked. "Seems someone's on his friend's mind."

Aizawa shot Chatora a death glare and then turned back to his friend, forcing him to sit up and shaking him in the process.

Hizashi opened his eyes, slowly focusing on Aizawa as confusion set over him. "Sho... Shouta?"

Aizawa didn't comment on Hizashi, using his first name, in fact, he found it somewhat endearing. "Hey, Hizashi…" Aizawa whispered. "It's the morning."

"It is," Hizashi affirmed. Apparently he could be worse at waking up than even Aizawa.

"You should really sit up and get ready."

"Why are you in my room, Sho..?" Hizashi questioned dreamily.

Aizawa laughed nervously, wishing that Hizashi would keep his voice lower. "I'm not. You fell asleep on the couch and it's the morning."

Hizashi blinked and sat up a little more. Aizawa moved out of his way so Hizashi could sit up more directly.

"I… I did…." Hizashi's eyes widened and he clutched the edge of the couch. "Aizawa, what time is it?" he asked intensely.

"About 7:00 or so," Aizawa shrugged.

"[_Shit, shit, shit…]"_ Hizashi grumbled, "Aizawa, I have a huge favor to ask you. Nemuri _cannot_ find out about… _this_." He gestured to the couch around him. "I'll explain more later but I _need_ to make myself look presentable. Can you _please_ clear this up? Just throw the stuff on my bed."

"Sure?" Aizaw said slowly, still confused as to what was happening.

Hizashi jumped out of the couch-bed and into Aizawa, wrapping his arms around him and holding him closely, tucking his head over Aizawa's shoulder and squeezing him softly. "Thank you," he whispered into Aizawa's ear, his warm breath tickling, before he jumped up and dashed into his room to get ready.

Aizawa sat back on his legs, stunned and confused. He noticed Chatora smirking at him before going back to preparing plates to eat.

Slowly, Aizawa forced himself to stand and pick up the text book and blankets and even Hizashi's glasses. He walked over to Hizashi's room and went towards the bed, setting down the things calmly on the bed. He could hear Hizashi singing something in english softly from the showers.

Aizawa knew that he shouldn't, but he couldn't help looking around the room. He had expected something loud and exciting but he was instead met with a wall of bookshelves filled with books. A couple classic records were hung up on the walls. A desk took up a good part of the room that was littered with different wires and tech and machine debris.

Hizashi's pair of headphones hung on the wall next to a shelf full of a couple photos. Aizawa stepped closer and analyzed them. There was one of Hizashi laughing next to a woman, sitting on the grass, her smile wide but vacant and unfocused. Another photo had Hizashi with his arms around the woman— probably his mother— and his hands up in a sort of gang sign? Aizawa didn't understand it but his mother was making the same symbol, her smile warmer and more genuine. And then there was a picture of a man sitting next to the woman, clearly many years younger, both with bright smiles and tousled blond hair.

Aizawa wondered about Hizashi's family and how they interacted with each other. There were a few more pictures but they were of Hizashi dressed nice for a dance or holding a trophy for playing an instrument, judging by the treble clef on the trophy.

Aizawa didn't know why he was so transfixed by the pictures— by the room, but he was. He… he was amazed that people could… could have a family.

A family of smiles.

And yet… Hizashi never talked about them. Though, Aizawa never asked.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the shower turn off. Panicking, Aizawa dashed out of Hizashi's room to find the lounge area much more crowded.

Almost as though she were psychic, Nemuri spotted Aizawa coming out of Hizashi's room and ran towards him. She grabbed his shoulders fiercely and looked him directly in his eyes. "Aizawa. Hello. Good Morning. Where is Hizashi and why did you just come out of his room? Were you two…. No… You don't look disheveled and happy enough. Hmm."

Aizawa opened and closed his mouth, not understanding half of what she was talking about. "What? He asked me to put away a textbook. He's in the shower now. Can I go eat my breakfast?"

He glanced around Nemuri to his discarded breakfast and looked at it longingly.

She sighed, letting go of him and followed him while he grabbed his food and she grabbed some herself. They settled down— Aizawa chose a spot away from where Hizashi was previously sleeping— and started to eat quietly. Aizawa normally wasn't much of a breakfast person, but these were worth even a couple of bites. And they preoccupied him from thinking about what had happened with Hizashi earlier.

Unfortunately, Aizawa had not satisfied her questions and he was subjected to them once again.

"It's strange that Hizashi isn't out and ready yet," Nemuri commented pointedly. "He became such an early riser after…." she trailed off and then froze, sitting straight up and staring at Aizawa.

"Aizawa," she said slowly, carefully. "I need you to tell me the truth here…"

"Okay?" Aizawa said slowly, suddenly worried about where she was going with this.

"Where/how did you find Hizashi this morning?"

Aizawa immediately felt torn. He wanted to help Hizashi. But he didn't know if that was by trusting his friend that he was okay, or if that was listening to the questions of someone who knew more about said friend.

"You're hesitating," Nemuri commented slowly. "So let me make a guess. You found Hizashi asleep this morning, probably on a textbook, woke him, he panicked, and asked you to cover for him?"

She didn't pause more than a breath before continuing. "Aizawa, I know you want to help him, and that's why I'm asking you. I'm not going to do anything bad to Hizashi. It's just that—"

"It's just that [_I've gone down this Rabbit Hole before._]"


	7. Routine

**"****Monsters are real,**

**ghosts are real too.**

**They live inside us,**

**and sometimes, they win."**

-Sephen King

* * *

-x-

Hizashi had gotten out of the shower and rushed out of the room, praying that Nemrui wouldn't already be there.

So, of course, there she was, talking to Aizawa and looking very concerned.

Hizashi walked over slowly, ignoring the plate offered to him distractedly and instead hovering close to Hizashi and Nemuri, listening to their conversation.

"...I know you want to help him…" Nemuri was saying and immediately, Hizashi winced.

She hesitated, thinking of the words she wanted to say before Hizashi interjected with a broad grin, his teeth gleaming and his eyes focused on her. "It's just that [_I've gone down this Rabbit Hole before_]_._"

He swallowed, taking a breath before pulling up a chair next to Aizawa and Nemuri and looking down at his hands. He hadn't really wanted to share this information with Aizawa; he'd rather wanted to forget it.

"There's a long, long story to go with the reasoning behind all of this _drama_," Hizashi smiled to play it off like a joke. But he knew it wasn't.

"The short version of it is that I got into a bad habit of not sleeping and falling asleep on my textbooks a little while ago. Nemuri helped me out of it. And she's just being a _really good_ friend and making sure I don't go there again."

Hizashi couldn't bring himself to meet Aizawa's eyes.

_What's he thinking? Is he worried about me? _

Hizashi bit his lip but could take it no longer. He looked up into Aizawa's face.

And he saw an expression he didn't recognize. Something a mix between realization, and happiness?

Hizashi was caught by Aizawa's expression like a fly in a trap. He didn't know how to escape or where the danger might be. Why would he be happy? Didn't Aizawa care about his mental health too?

"You're not going to, right?" Nemuri whispered, looking down at her food.

It was enough to snap Hizashi out of his thought process and he looked over to her and nodded. "I _promise you_ that this was a one time occurrence and it's not going to happen again. You can watch me. Nemuri, I _swear to you_," Hizashi put all of his heart into his words, letting her understand that he was dead serious.

Nemuri nodded and settled back, the tension in her shoulders dissipating a bit.

Hizashi got up to get some food and settled back down into his chair to eat with his friends. As soon as he was seated, Nemuri smiled at him, "Or… I could make a certain somebody watch over you while you sleep!" She glanced obviously to Aizawa.

And Hizashi glared at her. "No thanks. I don't need a [_Guardian Angle]_. Though, I'm not against spending a night hanging out with my friends. As long as our teacher doesn't find out."

Aizawa breathed a breath of air in a semblance of a laugh, the edge of his lip barely tilting upwards. "The question with that is whether we would sleep or not."

"Definitely not," Nemuri decided.

Hizashi knew that the tension in the room was dissipating the more they talked and joked, but he could still feel it like a palpable force that was forcing him to come out of hiding and reveal himself.

Just, not yet.

-x-

Aizawa had spent most of his life alone. Or believing that he was alone. He always felt like he was the only one with a mind like his own. A mind full of ice and despair.

But… Hizashi… the sweet boy who had stopped him on the bridge….

The sweet boy who had saved his life… what if he hadn't done it out of natural heroism, but out of… understanding?

Aizawa thought about it, if he had seen someone like himself, his mirror, standing in front of a bridge, about to jump, would he want them to? Would he be able to call to stop them or would he know their pain and let them go?

No… he would stop them if he had the courage. The real question would be: would he be courageous enough to call out?

Did he really know Hizashi's pain, though?

If the roles had been reversed and Aizawa had come upon Hizashi on that bridge, would he have called out? Would he have asked for his hand to pull him back from the edge?

Aizawa closed his eyes, shutting out the classroom around him, and building the world in front of him. Hizashi with his wavy blond hair, clutching the rail as he stared transfixed on the water below. Aizawa, strolling up next to him and holding his hand out, "Hey… don't do it… please!"

He could feel the words dancing at the edge of his throat like a song wishing to be sung. He opened his mouth and spoke softly, the words escaping his kips as he pleaded with the blond not to kill himself.

"Aizawa?" Hizashi said softly, in real life, hesitating near Aizawa's desk before he continued.

Aizawa blinked up slowly at him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I… talk to you… now during lunch?"

_It was already lunch? _Aizawa questioned himself, feeling as though he really _had_ fallen asleep during class.

But it was time to focus on Hizashi before him, his hands in his hair and his glasses slipping down his nose.

"Sure," Aizawa got up and followed Hizashi out, immediately heading towards their 'secret' location. "Are we bringing Nemuri?"

"I love her there, but not this time," Hizashi told Aizawa slowly. Something in his voice warned Aizawa that this was serious and not a time to be making even the lightest jokes.

They walked the rest of the way to the garden in silence, the only sound was the crunching of their shoes on the leaves. Aizawa noticed that Hizashi wasn't carrying a lunch box, increasing his concern.

When they arrived, Aizawa stopped and grabbed Hizashi's hand, spinning him around to face him and looking him directly in the eye. "Hizashi, what's the matter?"

Hizashi wouldn't meet Aizawa's eyes. He fiddled with his hands, adjusting his glasses with his one free hand and his face heating up.

"Aizawa…" Hizashi started slowly, "_That _time. All those years ago, was that the first time you stood on the bridge?"

-x-

Hizashi tried to make him mind function as he wanted it to. He tried to think clear thoughts. He wanted to know about Aizawa because… because…

Because he was scared for himself.

But he couldn't deny the pink that flared in his cheeks when Aizawa squeezed his hand softly, holding it close.

"The bridge?" Aizawa asked, drawing away and taking a seat down.

Hizashi waited, crossing his arms over his chest, not in impatience, but in a way to hold himself, hug himself.

"It was… not my first time…" Aizawa admitted. "But I had never felt as strongly about it that time as I did other times. And it was my last time."

His expression screamed at how closed off he was being but Hizashi knew that, at least for now, he was telling the truth.

"What did it feel like?" Hizashi asked quietly.

"Routine."

The word packed so much weight for Hizashi, striking him like a familiar punch to the gut. He remembered his late nights where his eyes screamed for sleep and he would poke himself with needles to stay away even just another minute. He would poke himself so many times that a small drop of blood would drop onto his paper and he would feel to guilty to turn in work that had blood from his own guilt on it.

"It felt like..." Aizawa paused trying to find words that could beat perfection.

"Like it was what you had always done, so it was what you would always do." Hizashi supplied.

"Exactly," Aizawa murmured.

"And… and if you weren't doing that, then who were you?" Hizashi finished.

"The kid who cut himself. The kid who bandaged his wrists. The kid who almost jumped off of the bridge..."

Hizashi looked down at his own hands. "The kid who forced himself awake. The kid who would fall asleep in class. The kid who was too loud."

Aizawa was looking at him, Hizashi knew. But he couldn't bring himself to look up and meet his eyes.

"I suppose I have something that I should tell you," he whispered. "When… when I saw you next to that bridge, it was like I was seeing myself. I've tried to hide all of my pain and just whisper that I'm fine but… but Shouta, I'm not."

Hizashi swallowed, tears piling in his throat and choking his words out. "I've been broken since birth. I screamed my mother deaf. I… I lost my dad at two years old because he didn't hear the villain alarm in his building and he was caught and… and he was taken hostage and didn't know… he didn't know what the villain was saying because he couldn't hear him. So he died." Hizashi put his fingers to his head, simulating a gun and then lowering his hand shakily.

"I've spent my life being bullied and beat up by other kids who were mad at me for scoring high on tests. I've spent my life trying to be friends with people when all they want is for me to shut the hell up.

"I tried to be friendly with everyone but when it mattered, who's asking me to sit at lunch with them? Who's asking me to help them with their homework? Who ever takes notice of when I do something cool for the class?" Fat tears fell from his eyes as he choked out the words, trying to stop himself.

_Aizawa's been through worse. You have nothing to complain about. People like being alone. You should be grateful for it. _

"Nemuri and I," Aizawa said simply.

"What?"

"Nemuri and I ask you to sit at lunch with us. Nemuri and I would love help with our homework. Or at least I would. Nemuri and I notice when you joke around or do something for the class. Just yesterday you and Nemuri waited outside of the door for me just to make sure that I had a dorm key and could get inside."

Hizashi looked over at Aizawa. "I don't want to be a burden to you, ever."

Aizawa stood and then knelt in front of him and grabbed his shoulders, waiting until Hizashi looked him in the eyes. "You are never a burden. You are a delight to be around. I never would have thought that the person I needed in my life was a loud, overly enthusiastic, blond who's crazy sweet and secretly the biggest teddy bear, but I _do_."

Aizawa let go of Hizashi's shoulders and slid onto the seat next to him, sitting so close that their legs were touching. Before even giving him another chance to speak, Aizawa started talking.

"I grew up without a family. I grew up with kids hating me because my quirk used to be uncontrollable and I would make them temporarily lose their 'God given gifts'," He glanced at Hizashi, the shadow of a smile playing across his face at the theatricised the words.

"I believed that I wasn't worth _anything_ but then a little boy called out to me and told me not to jump. He told me to live. And that moment changed my life. That moment _started_ my life."

"And that little boy is the same one who waited for me just to make sure I could get back into the dorm building."

Hizashi took a shaky breath, staring at Aizawa. "Anyone would have done that…"

"No. I don't care if others would have or might have. I care that you, Hizashi Yamada, _did. _You are probably the person I care most about, because you care most about me."

Hizashi couldn't see through his blurring vision. He took of his glasses, placing them next to him and wiping his eyes. His voice felt tight, his chest focused on holding back sobs.

He wanted to tell Shouta that he cared about him too. That he didn't want to let him go.

But he couldn't speak.

Slowly, Hizashi collapsed towards Shouta, resting his head on his shoulder and letting his tears fall. After a moment, Shouta wrapped his arms gently around Hizashi, shifting so they were facing each other, and gently rubbed circles into his back. He stroked his hair softly, reassuring him that he was there and that Hizashi wasn't alone.

They sat, holding each other, comforting each other in silence until Hizashi's sobs slowly quelled and he pulled back ever so slightly, still holding onto Aizawa in a tight embrace. "You know," he whispered because he voice wasn't strong enough to speak without cracking, "I care about you too. You're my hero. I want to… I want to save you. If… if that's okay?"

"Then save me," Aizawa whispered. "But don't forget to save yourself, too." he moved until his lips were almost touching Hizashi's ear, his breath tickling, "but I'm going to save you too. We'll save each other and ourselves together."


	8. An Evening

Note: Hiiiii! No I have not abandoned this fic!

I'm soooo sorry. I do have a reason for taking so long: College applications suck!  
So yeah I couldn't write for a few weeks. But here's a long chapter with some fluff to make up for it!  
(Please forgive me. I should be posting regularly again. Hopefully.)

**"Show me the most**

**damaged parts of your soul,**

**and I will show you how **

**it still shines like gold"**

-Nikita Gill

-x-

That night, after they ate dinner, Hizashi stood up and walked over to where Nemuri was sitting, whispering something in her ear. Her eyes shined as she winked at Hizashi and gave him a not-so-subtle thumbs up.

Aizawa was just glad the tension had dissolved. Something had changed between him and Hizashi, but it wasn't bad.

A new kind of understanding had risen between them, a strengthened bond in their friendship.

After a minute, Nemuri stretched back, comically putting her hands behind her head like an anime character. "Well, it's been fun, boys, but I have a _ton_ of homework that I have to get started on. So tonight, [_I bid you adieu_]."

"Hey that's my bit!" Hizashi called after her as she left, cackling over her shoulder.

Aizawa stared at Hizashi, his eyes wide as he tried to figure out what was going on.

Hizashi leaned on the table, staring at Aizawa. He folded his hands in front of him and quietly started to speak, his voice quavery and uncertain, "So. I was wondering, if you're up to it, if you would want, uh, come into my room and spend some time with me this evening. We could study some homework… talk… maybe—"

"Sure," Aizawa said, cutting him off. "I'd be up for that." He attempted to give him a soft smile but was afraid it might have come out more as a grimace.

"Great!" Hizashi beamed. He leaped up from his seat and dashed to Aizawa, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from his seat. He grinned as he dragged Aizawa through the hall, despite the students milling about who stopped to stare at them.

When they reached Hizashi's room, he let go of Aizawa's hand, using his ID to open the room and let them inside.

The room looked almost the same as it had that morning, except for the fact that now Hizashi was inside too. Records still lined the walls, photos were pinned above a desk and sat in frames. Books and homework papers were strewn about, and a couple of bookshelves were lined with various books.

"Welcome to my room!" Hizashi announced, spreading his arms wide. "I'm sure that you saw it earlier, but now you can officially look at it!"

Aizawa looked around again and then pulled out the chair at the desk and sat down tentatively. "You have a very nice room."

"Oh, there's no need to be so stiff," Hizashi grinned, waving his arms. "And come sit over here on the bed! It's much more comfortable."

Aizawa stood up, relenting quickly, and moved over to sit next to Hizashi. He had left quite a bit of space for Aizawa to sit so they weren't pressed together.

"So," Hizashi murmured as he sat and rocked on his hands. "Do you have any… questions or do you have anything you want to talk about or do?"

Aizawa shrugged noncommittally.

They sat for a moment in silence before Hizashi shook his head and stood. "Nope. Not going to do this awkward silence. We're best friends and we are not allowed to be awkward together." Aizawa smirked, as Hizashi stood up and grabbed a board game off of the shelf. When he sat on the floor, disregarding his former declaration of the bed, Aizawa was able to see that he had a chess board laying out.

"I hadn't taken you for someone to want to play chess," Aizawa commented. He knew that Hizashi was brilliant in his own way, but he wouldn't have expected him to like such a strategy oriented game.

"What? Really?" Hizashi asked. "I love chess. [_It's amazing_]."

Aizawa peeled himself off of the bed and slid to the floor. Gently, his actions overtaking his mind, he moved until his hand was resting on Hizashi's stopping him from placing any more of the wooden pieces on the board.

"Hizashi… why do you want me here right now? Don't you have homework? Don't you want to try going to sleep on your own?"

He looked away awkwardly. "Must we have these deep talks everytime? Can't we just have some fun for once?"

He glanced into Aizawa's eyes before looking away again. Maybe he knew that Aizawa didn't mean anything rude by it; he merely wanted to ensure that Hizashi was doing okay.

"Fine. I'll tell you but then _I _want to have some fun."

Aizawa nodded in agreement letting go of Hizashi's hand.

"I… I really want to get better and I want to both settle Nemuri's nerves about me and have fun. Plus… I like you!" Hizashi looked up at him beaming and making a finger guns sign.

Aizawa opened his mouth slightly. His face felt warm. It was weird. Maybe the heat in the dorms had turned on?

"Okay. Maybe you could help me on some homework after our chess game?" he asked, looking down at the pieces and starting to place a couple of pawns.

"But I haven't even started mine…" Hizashi frowned.

"I bet you can help me as we both work on it." Aizawa encouraged.

"Alright. I'll concede," Hizashi said, smirking. "But you had better try your best to beat me at chess."

Aizawa quickly discovered that Hizashi was a freaking chess genius. Comparatively, Aizawa felt proud that he remembered how the pieces moved.

Hizashi still helped him by looking skeptically whenever he made a _really_ stupid move so that Aizawa was prompted to move to a better location.

Suffice to say, he lost almost all of his pieces relatively quickly and moved his king around aimlessly until he was cornered and defeated.

"I said try your best," Hizashi rubbed the back of his head, "and I believe that you did but… are you a little out of practice?"

"Try a _lot_ out of practice. I don't think I have played chess in more than four or five years. And even when I did play. It was fairly rarely."

Hizashi shook his head, putting his hand on Aizawa's shoulder. "Keep staying my friend, and I'll teach you some awesome strategy. But for now… let's do some homework."

"It won't be that bad if we're both working on it, at least."

"Hopefully."

They pulled out their core classes homework and began working.

Aizawa found out that Hizashi wasn't kidding, he was brilliant. With barely a pause to read the questions, he was able to explain them all to Aizawa. As he did, Aizawa prompted him to write the answers down on his own paper so he would actually get credit for them instead of forgetting.

"You know," Aizawa said slowly, "We could do this every night. I'm not stupid, but it always helps to have someone to work on your homework with. Plus, that way you could actually get more of said homework done."

Hizashi nodded. "Yeah. But homework is just so dull and boring."

"And I'm not the most exciting person to do it with." Aizawa stated.

"You know that if we asked Nemuri she would just turn it into some kind of game. One time she convinced a good portion of the class to take off an article of clothing for every three questions they got wrong in a large review session ..." Hizashi laughed while he told the story, remembering the day fondly. "And then of course our teacher came and yelled at us because that wasn't school appropriate. Nothing _too _ bad happened."

"I vote for _not_ doing that," Aizawa replied, his eyes wide with confusion.

"I agree. But… we could come up with a game…" he paused looking around the room. "What about… for ever time I have to be reminded to write down an answer or everytime that you ask for help, we have to answer a question about ourselves?"

"Doesn't that seem childish?" Aizawa asked. "You can ask me whatever."

"But this seems more fun!" Hizashi cheered, pushing his glasses up his nose, causing them to glint in the light.

"Alright. I'll join that one. It seems innocent enough. But what happens when we don't want to answer a question?"

"Hmm I'm not sure. Let's come to that when a question like that is asked. Maybe try not ot mentally scar each other."

Aizawa nodded. "Yeah that would be appreciated."

They continued working but it wasn't long before Aizawa had to ask for clarification. It was just too tempting with Hizashi— the literal genius— sitting next to him.

He helped with the math problem and then smiled devilishly. "Alright! Time for a question: What is your favorite type of music?"

"What?"

"What is your favorite type of music?"

"I was expecting something a lot deeper," Aizawa said as he exhaled. "But that works." He paused to think about it. "Hmm. I haven't listened to much music… I always kind of liked classical music because it put me to sleep and I have trouble sleeping normally. And whenever I woke up, I was greeted with a pleasant sound that wouldn't always make me hate the world."

"So you haven't listened to any other types of music?" Hizashi asked looking disheartened.

"Not really," Aizawa admitted.

"Then you are in luck!" Hizashi spread his arms wide speaking in an announcer-style voice. "Because I have just the music for you!"

He bounded over to his phone and started scrolling through the copious number of songs until he found one to his liking and pressed play, bobbing his head before the song had even started.

A song in English started playing, Hizashi singing the words to it, his voice a perfect match.

"|_Can you feel it? Now it's coming back. We can steal it, if we bridge this gap. I can see ya, through the curtains of the waterfall!_|"

Hizashi raised an eyebrow, grinning.

"|_When I lost it, yeah, you held my hand. But I tossed it. Didn't understand. You were waiting as I dove into the waterfall…._|"

He paused before grabbing Aizawa's hand and jumping up with him. "|_So SAY Geronimo! Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!_|"

While singing along, Hizashi danced with Aizawa, holding his hands and swinging them lightly, sometimes raising them upwards as though in triumph. He let go once to spin around as the song progressed.

"|_So it's here I stand as a broken man, but I've found my friend, at the curtains of the waterfall.|"_

As he spoke, Hizashi looked into Aizawa's eyes. His voice was so soft and nice to listen to. It complemented the one singing so well that Aizawa was blown away, captivated by the performance. And if Hizashi's voice wasn't enough, then the shyly hopeful face he kept flashing Aizawa in between broad smiles and overdramatic winks and spins, certainly was.

"|_And you rushed to me, and it sets us free, so I fall to my knees (At the curtains of the waterfall)... SAY Geronimo! Say Geronimo!_|"

This time, Aizawa gets caught up in the lyrics, singing with the corus, his voice felt scratchy and disharmonious compared to Hizashi's but the grin that Hizashi gave him was well worth it.

As the song was ending, Hizashi moved closer to Aizawa slowly, his lips still singing the words but his voice wasn't as into it as it had been a moment before.

He stared into Aizawa's eyes looking for any sign that what he was doing wasn't okay… But Aizawa didn't stop him.

Hizashi moved closer, wrapping one arm around Aizawa's waist and the other clasping Aizawa's hand tightly. Together, they took quiet steps to the beat. Barely moving but Aizawa was too caught staring into Hizashi's eyes. He had brilliant green eyes that sparkled with curiosity and will.

Aizawa felt drawn by his eyes and his moving lips as he sang the last lyrics of the song, the vocals fading away.

Their chests were almost touching now, Hizashi pulling them closer together as Aizawa leaned forward.

"|_Make this leap….. Make this leap…._|"

Hizashi's voice solidified, his voice barely a whisper in the last line.

"|_Can you feel...my love…_|"

There was a beat between them, the song fading into silence. Hizashi stared intently into Aizawa's eyes.

They were maybe inches apart but it felt as though there was no space between them.

And then, as though a spell had been broken, Hizashi coughed lightly, clearing his throat and stepped back, letting go of Aizawa's hand and his waist.

He turned to his phone and slowly flicked the screen up and down mindlessly, pretending to be productive.

"So…. did you like that song?"

"Yes," Aizawa said smiling. "It was really… nice."

Another beat of silence. "What's it called?"

"Geronimo. By Sheppard. It…. it's one of my favorites."

Aizawa nodded, repeating to himself that it sounded nice.

The warmth that had flooded through Aizawa when Hizashi had held him so close was gone, leaving him with a shiver in his bones.

He didn't know why but he missed his touch.

The…. the cold was familiar, just like nightmares in between restless fits of sleep. But the warmth…. He missed the warmth that was so foreign.

Aizawa shook his head to himself. That was ridiculous. He had made it this far without any kind of warmth. He would keep surviving just fine.

Aizawa looked around the room again, forcing all of those weird thoughts in his mind to go to the back of his head where he could procrastinate thinking about them.

"We should probably get back to our homework…" Aizawa said slowly.

"Oh, shoot, you're right," Hizashi moaned flopping backwards overdramatically. "But… since you reminded me, you get to ask me a question."

Aizawa rather wanted to skip that part and just move on to doing work, but he could also see the merit in distracting both of them with a new question. He looked around the room until his eyes fell on the picture that had captivated his attention before, when he was first in Hizashi's room.

Standing up, he walked over to the picture of Hizashi and his mom making some kind of gang sign together. Aizawa pointed at the picture. "What are you doing in this picture?"

Hizashi's brow creased in confusion. "What… you mean this?" he held up his hand in the same sign on the picture, his index and pinky finger raised high, his palm facing Aizawa with his middle and ring fingers curled down and his thumb spread out away from his palm.

"Yeah," Aizawa tried to replicate the symbol and then looked back at the picture. "What does it mean?"

"|_I love you_|."

"What?" Aizawa was taken aback by the phrase.

"This symbol? It's abbreviated sign language or I love you in English. Because 'I' is this:" he raised just his pinky. "'L' for '|_Love_|' is this:" he raised his thumb and index in an L shape. "And 'Y' for '|_you|"_ is this:" he raised his thumb and pinky. So together, it's a symbol for I love you."

"So you and your mom and telling each other you love each other, right?"

"Exactly," Hizashi murmured as he stepped over towards the picture and plucked it off of the wall caringly. "It's the only way I tell her I love her… my mom is deaf… because of my quirk."

Aizawa stared not sure what to say. Is this the time that he should offer condolences?

Hizashi turned away from him, still speaking. "I was always loud as a kid but when my quirk came in… my family didn't know what to do. I slowly broke their hearing without even knowing it." A soft laugh escaped his lips. "I broke my own hearing, too." he tapped his hearing aids lightly. "But you already knew that."

His voice was so quiet. He wasn't looking at Aizawa at all but Aizawa could still see the soft trickle of a tear down the side of Hizashi's face.

He sniffed and wiped at his face, turning to Aizawa with a smile. "So, yeah, I know sign language in both English and Japanese... to help my mom adjust…"

"That's pretty amazing," Aizawa whispered. "Because you're amazing at English, of course you're good with Japanese, but then you know both Japanese sign language and English sign language?"

"Well my mom knew a lot of english since she was raised on it so it kind of helped her to know both…" Hizashi mumbled.

"Either way it's amazing," Aizawa told him trying to bring back the old excited Hizashi he was used to. "Now, let's continue on our homework."

-x-

Between the dance and the question about his mom, Hizashi felt overly subdued and apparently he was showing it. Aizawa was acting too excitable for this to be a normal mood.

But Hizashi couldn't get his mind to snap out of it.

He had picked Geronimo because it's a good song and he thought Aizawa would like it but then, without thinking about it, Hizashi had started dancing with him, playfully acting like they were ballroom dancing.

He had done it with Nemuri a number of times and never felt anything weird about it.

But he also hadn't leaned close to Nemuri, singing to the best of his ability and started thinking about—-.

No. Everything he was thinking about was ridiculous.

Nemuri's teasing about him liking Aizawa came dashing back into his head. Sure he had thought about it before but…

But he valued Aizawa's friendship so much more than the want for a relationship.

So they would stay friends.

Hizashi looked up into Aizawa's messy hair and dark eyes. _Even if it kills me_, he thought to himself.

They stayed fairly focused on work for the next hour, not speaking too much and letting each other go easy on the questions.

Or at least Hizashi _thought_ that was the plan.

"Hizashi? You need to stop staring off into space and get back to work," Aizawa reminded him, a glint in his eye. "After answering a question."

"Ah, you caught me," Hizashi groaned, forcing enthusiasm into his voice.

Aizawa leaned back, his hair falling into his eyes in a way that made Hizashi desperate to try to brush it away or put his hair up in some kind of pony tail.

"I don't know what to ask you…" Aizawa trailed off, sighing lightly.

"Well that's okay! We can just skip this question… or something."

"No, I need a question to get you back into cheerfulness." Aizawa's eyes narrowed until he sat up staring directly at Hizashi.

"What?" he asked, feeling more uncertain than he really should. This was Aizawa after all.

"I know. When and how did you and Nemuri become friends?"

Hizashi had to hold back his sigh of relief. Of course Aizawa wouldn't ask something so strange as the question that was burning inside of Hizashi's mind.

He had probably never even thought of dating.

Let alone of dating a guy.

Hizashi laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "It's not actually that eventful of a story. Nemuri is one of those people who's just nice to everyone on principal. But I think someone else dared her to spend a whole day with me? I'm not actually sure because she won't confirm or deny this, but why else would anyone want to talk to the loud kid?

"So then we spent the afternoon, after classes, hanging out and we were practicing sparring a bit not 'technically' using our quirks but," Hizashi shrugged, getting the point across. "It was fun. And I think the biggest reason she stayed my friend was that I didn't spend every second flirting with her like most of the other guys… and honestly some of the girls, too, did. I mean, sure I threw a few jokes at her ever now and again but they were never serious and I think she knew that."

"So…" Aizawa pitched in after Hizashi was done talking. "Essentially she felt bad for you and befriended you because she knew that you had no chance in dating her?"

"Yeah," Hizashi nodded. "Not that I'd want to date her. She's my friend." He stopped abruptly realizing that he may have just made a mistake. "Not that I'm against dating friends! I like dating friends just not Nemuri friends. But you know me, I have all of those friends just lining up to give me a kiss…" he trailed off knowing that he was just making everything so much worse.

Aizawa started laughing. "I don't really care who you date, Hizashi."

Hizashi's face fell internally. He kind of wanted Aizawa to care.

"Well… I'm just saying. I don't have any eyes set towards Nemuri." Hizashi looked back down at his math, feeling sullen.

"Okay. Good," Aizawa murmured as he wrote down the last answer and put his homework back in his bag.

Quickly, Hizashi finished up the last couple, not really thinking about the answers. He was too busy thinking about Aizawa and what he had said.

Why couldn't he ever get Aizawa out of his head?

"Okay! We're done with homework! Right?" Hizashi paused. "You're not going to uncover another assignment I don't know about, are you?"

"No," Aizawa smiled, yawning and stretching.

Hizashi glanced at the clock on the edge of his bedside table. Between all that had happened that evening and homework, it was already 9:00 at night.

"Do you want to stay in here tonight?" Hizashi asked tentatively. "You could try to actually sleep and keep a watch on me… and we could talk more and—"

"Sure," Aizawa replied simply, shrugging.

Hizashi grinned. "Fantastic! I'll help you grab a mat and anything else you need so that we can be settled before curfew.

Together, excitedly, they collected and made a bed for Aizawa. At one point, Hizashi noticed Nemuri hiding in the kitchen, grinning.

She quickly signed something before disappearing, but it took a minute for him to realize what it was.

_Why do you need another bed?_

Hizashi flushed bright red and decided to ignore her tomorrow for that comment.

He dashed back into his room after Aizawa and began setting up the bed. They chatted about the kinds of beds that Aizawa had slept on when he was younger and the times that they had both fallen asleep in uncomfortable places.

"I think the worst one was when I decided it was a good idea to sleep on the stairs of my house," Hizashi laughed. "I don't know that my neck or hip has ever forgiven me for that experience."

"I don't know, at least you were home. Once I fell asleep in some bushes next to my school… but it started raining while I slept."

"Did you go find some cover?"

Aizawa shook his head. "Nope. I slept through it. I woke up wet and with one of the worst colds of my entire life."

"Aizawa! Why would you fall asleep outside?"

"Because I had done it a million times before?" Aizawa shrugged.

"Alright well I know what I'm getting you for your birthday… or the holidays. Whichever comes first. When is your birthday?"

"November 8th."

"Oh, wow, that's soon. I had better get shopping," Hizashi grinned.

"You don't need to get me anything…." Aizawa trailed off and then mumbled something softly to himself.

"What was that?" Hizashi asked.

"I… well, I don't really have the money to get anything for you…."

"Presents don't have to be tangible objects. You could give me a day we spend together or you could sing a song, or you could give me a hug…"

Aizawa rolled his eyes. "But then what will you cherish?"

"The time we spend together," Hizashi said, seriously. "Time is everything."

Aizawa nodded, not saying anything. After a moment in silence, he spoke softly. "This time is a gift for me, too."

Hizashi smiled. "I'm glad."


End file.
